Just how far will the truth stretch?

I have my friends lying for me today. Although I try not to make a habit of it there are times that the truth needs to be...shall we say...punched up a little. I need to come up with a photo of myself with a bio for an upcoming event.

I have not had a photo taken for years. If someone in my family is foolish enough to snap one on a digital camera or a cell phone
I cry and complain until they take it off just to shut me up. Let's just say the years have not been too kind and my thinning hair and my fat'ning face are running neck and neck in the race to see which will become the gross out champ. (the real money is on my face here)

As for the bio...it is not like I have not done anything worthwhile in the last, oh let's say, 50 years...it is just that it is hard to take credit for the things in my life that are the best. I have great children, but anyone who knows me knows that they came pre-wired to be wonderful. I have always imagined the conversation up in heaven just before they came down.

"Now kids, we are sending you to this man (show photo of me) Please don't let him mess you up. We are sending you down smarter than him, wiser than him, and don't even get me started about how much more grown up you are than him. So kids, just do your own thing and you will be just fine"

My wife is the highlight of my life, but I certainly can't take credit for her. The kids and I say that her super power is being able to find anything. If she has found anything redeeming in me she has completely earned her title. She is heaven's other way of keeping me straight.

So I guess the bio will come down to a few mentions of some meaningless little things that I have filled my days with.

You really know who your friends are when they help you define yourself. Lucky for me I have good friends, let's just hope they have strong stomachs for stretching the truth.